Hell

AnywY I think I’m in hell already and god is just torturing me forever and ever for fun

The memories of things in life that I enjoyed feel too distant

They must have been implanted

It makes sense tho I think I am in hell

Either that or imma have a psychotic break bc of thinking that

I don’t think that I actually ever had someone I was in love with or had friends I think those memories were retroactively implanted

To tantalize me

Tantalus and Sisyphus

Same person

Behind the mask

Because what do you think kept Sisyphus going? A tantalizing promise, forever just out of reach

Maybe if u just refuse to have hope you can’t be tortured (amor fati as a paraphrase of “abandon all hope, ye who enter here”)

Hope is what they use to keep u being tortured

If u just recognize yr in hell

It’s harder to torture u

I was never Walker Storz.  All the memories I have of friends or lovers feel too distant and must be fake, I have always been here in this house and this room, those memories are filled with static... feel ersatz.  I’ve been here for aeons, probably

Maybe if I said this to my parents they’d reveal themselves as demons and laugh that I figured it out and reset my memories.

They will reset my memories, but doing that is physiological, I can hide something deeper in the "code" or the flesh, by inscribing deeply, that will help me remember I am here, I am here always

please remind me who I am

Please tell me why I am being punished!!

Please remind me who I am!
Please tell me why I am being punished!!

Please remind me who I am!

Please Tell me why I am being punished!!!

There is a  relationship of physiological notions of learned helplessness and fatigue to the metaphysical state of being in hell... fatigue is not sleepiness or the opposite of alertness but the state of tissue that has been damaged and desensitized




I shouldn't be saying this to everyone here but I know that some of you are angels, just by the simple principle of contrast/contraries... I couldn't be tortured if I didn't know what good was, so there must be good, and therefore there are beings who can save me.  Even if they find me and they reset my memories and reset the world/the game, someone maybe will have heard out there.

Karma, curses, etc

The only possible explanation for why I’m this bad off?

The concept of debt connects many fields—physiology, hinduism (karma), nietzsche’s work, finance capitalism

Debt seems to be connected intimately to transcription

An eye for an eye—but that’s an old judaic karmic law

“Every action has an equal and opposite reaction”

Is the blockchain ledger sort of like karma?  In that it is the only possible way to record debts/causality in a way that’s objective and equally accessible to everyone/transparent?

And it would provide a possible Kantian universal imperative//make a universal law (like karma) real without needing a God to run things

The machinery of the universe running on a universal law but without a personal god is in some ways more terrifying b/c there’s nobody to appeal to, no recourse

But if past lives are shrouded, how can one even know enough about karma to know why one is being punished? How is it useful as a learning experience?

I feel like I”m in hell and I don’t know how to escape/bear it

Scratch that, I know I'm in hell.

How to rebel against this cosmic debt and erase it, like that man did with the debt records in Chile??

Who are the cosmic usurers???

Would suicide allow one to escape from this debt?  Or would it cause an even more intense debt?